"Make two piles," I told my five-year-old. "Those you want to keep and the ones you want to give away." I left her sitting in front of a gigantic basket of stuffed animals, about a quarter of her collection. We were spending the day organizing the girls' bedroom and playroom, and this year, I thought they might be big enough to know which toys they no longer wanted or needed.

Silly me.

Ten minutes later, she hollered in to me. "I'm done." A pause, and the, "Wait. Mama? I think I'm going to put the one I put in the giveaway pile back into the keep pile, ok?" I let out a deep sigh as she shoved the entire basket back into the closet, where it will surely sit until we clean and organize next time. My kids can't part with anything.

So I did what I always do -- set them up with a snack and some coloring books and did the job myself. Now their room is clean and organized, and no one yet has noticed even one of the several bags of toys missing, Freecycled and picked up by a mom of a one-year-old.

Still, it feels deceitful. So I'm wondering -- do you tell your young children when you're giving away their old toys, or are you sneaky like me? And at what age do they really start to be able to part with things they don't use any more?

Suicide rates among the nation's youth continue to climb. Many experts fear the reason for this is due to fewer antidepressants being prescribed. After a fifteen-year decline the rates are climbing--what was seen as a possibly random increase in 2004 was repeated in 2005. The outcome of the study of 2004 and 2005 tracked outcomes based on actual instances from 1996 through 2003. After more than a decade of decline, suicide rates among those from 10-19 years of age skyrocketed by 18% in 2004, the largest increase in a one-year time period over fifteen years. Researcher Jeff Bridge feels, based on this study, that we could be on the verge of a public health crisis.

Bridges sites possible reasons for the increase, including online and social networking as well as returning from deployment overseas in Iraq along with the controversy over giving youth antidepressants. In a 2003 a public health advisory was issued noting children who were prescribed SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, were more likely to attempt suicide or engage in suicidal behavior. The result was the black box information on such medicines as well as doctors being less confident in prescribing them. In another study, however, Bridge noted that such treatment could be beneficial for children in the short-term.

According to Diana Zuckerman, National Research Center for Women & Families, children may be more likely to attempt suicide now due to the lagging economy, the stress of not having enough money for college and because those with depression go undiagnosed. She also noted a factor could be that families aren't spending enough time together.

Imagine you're at your local McDonald's, a few blocks from home, in a decent neighborhood. You and your eleven-year-old son get into an argument that gets worse every minute. So you tell him to walk home, jump in your car, and take off. You cool down and, a few minutes later, return to collect him. Sound reasonable? Perhaps. It really depends on just how far the restaurant was from home, what sort of neighborhood it was, and how mature the boy is.

Well, those are some of the questions being asked now after a Texas newspaper columnist did just that. Dave Lieber returned to collect his son from the local McDonald's only to find him being questioned by police officers. The police gave Lieber a talking-to and let him take his son home. Lieber wrote about the incident in his column, but that wasn't the end of it. Almost two weeks later, Lieber was arrested on charges of child abandonment and endangerment.

Now it's up to the district attorney to decide whether or not to press charges. According to Eric Franklin, an investigations supervisor for Child Protective Services, the questions that need to be answered center around the child's maturity and ability to reason, the dangerousness of the situation, and the father's intentions.

I'm not sure this is something I would ever do, although I've certainly offered to let my kids walk home if they couldn't behave themselves in the car. Still, at eleven years old, I was wandering about some of San Francisco's worst neighborhoods on my own and at night and no one thought twice about it. I'm not sure this father deserves jail time and a record over this -- what do you think?

Children born to men who are older than the ripe old age of 30 are more likely to suffer from bipolar disorder, according to a new study. The results of the study, published in the Archives of General Psychology, suggest that the risk increases as the age of the father increases. Bipolar disorder is more commonly known as manic depression. Symptoms of the disorder include periods of extreme happiness offset by mood swings of severe depression and hopelessness.

The reason for the connection? According to Emma Frans of Sweden, who led the study, it could be that older men have more degraded sperm. The Swedish research team used a national medical registry of 14,000 who had the disorder along with five people without the disorder for each person in the registry to uncover the connection. After factoring for the mother's age, the results indicated that those with fathers over 30 had an 11% increase in risk and those with fathers as old as 55 had a 37% increased risk. Frans was quick to point out that the results shouldn't keep older men from fathering children all together, but that they should be aware of the increased risks.

Older fathers have also been linked to autism and schizophrenia.

Until recently, my kids' phone skills needed some work. I had one child who often held the phone upside down to talk and another who nodded her head and gestured, not realizing that the person on the other line couldn't actually see her. My mom, the person they call the most, had a list of phrases she could use for the times she couldn't understand what they were saying (read: all the time). "Wow!" "Is that so?" "That's exciting." "Good for you!" When the kids would fall quiet, she'd know her comment didn't quite hit the mark.

But over the last several months, their phone skills have been improving, so much so that my five-year-old pretty much handles her phone affairs (calls to Grandma) independently. She's also started answering the phone by herself, a milestone that required a little education. At first, if she answered and it wasn't someone she knew, she just fell silent. This, obviously, confused people like doctors, teachers, and telemarketers (though I really didn't mind about that last one).

Like all things parenting, phone manners take a little guidance, but it's a life skill that everyone needs. Eduguide has some excellent tips for teaching preschoolers to use the phone, including tips on teaching phone numbers, avoiding embarrassing moments like when they call 9-1-1 on accident, and how to teach good phone manners. Before you know it, those little ones will be teenagers with phones permanently attached to their ear, so it's best to get to them now while you can still get a word in edgewise!

My husband's aunt passed away recently, after a long illness. She had lived across the street from us when both of our children were born, and used to send dinner every so often. Her husband would bring the boys Hot Wheels cars and various other toys; they gave my older son his first bicycle. The boys don't really remember any of that, but we did, and we were saddened by her death.

But we were also unsure about the funeral etiquette. My sons are six and eight -- were they old enough to go to the funeral? I didn't know, and so I started asking around. To my surprise, the overwhelming response from my mama friends was no, don't take them, they're too young, they won't be able to sit still, they won't understand what's going on. I still wavered -- they go church at school each week, so the funeral Mass would be familiar to them, and they seem to understand what it means to say that someone has died. And there would be other kids there, most about their ages.

In the end, my husband went to the funeral alone, and I stayed home with our kids and some other cousins because we were unable to find a sitter for the out of town children and this was just easier for everyone. But we have other elderly relatives who are not in good health, and because I am sure this will be an issue again, perhaps soon, I'm still curious about the etiquette here -- should kids go to funerals, or stay home?

What's your rule on funerals and children? How old is old enough? Or do other factors, like your child's relationship to the deceased, matter more?

A lot of people -- mostly politicians, it seems -- have praised the No Child Left Behind initiative to no end. Best thing since sliced bread, it seems. But a lot of people -- especially teachers -- have voiced plenty of criticism, If you're not quite sure why anyone would be opposed to NCLB, given its goals of making sure all students get the education they deserve, I urge you to read Susan Hobart's essay on the matter.

Hobart is an educator who -- like so many public school teachers -- teaches because it is her passion. And yet, despite being willing to go the extra mile and do the extra work necessary, she can't really teach her students. Instead, she has to make certain her students do well on the standardized tests so she spends time teaching students how to properly "bubble up," the term for filling in the circles on answer sheets.

We're not too far gone, though, Hobart says. We can return to doing it right if we're willing to let go of easy answers -- because easy answers rarely work. We need to let teachers teach according to the needs of their students, not according to the bottom line of the test makers. We also need involved parents and home environments that are not only conducive to learning, but encouraging as well.

So you can add this to your list of essential parenting skills: keeping a poker face. It turns out, according to a new study, that kids as young as four months can read the emotions playing across your face. Apparently, they use the same brain regions as adults when processing the gaze of another person.

The four-month-olds in the study had a face that either looked at them or looked away and then smiled and raised its eyebrows, an indication of friendship. "In four-month-old babies we demonstrate very early specialisation, and indeed, an adult-like pattern of activation of the brain regions that process face-to-face social interaction," said Dr. Tobias Grossman of the Centre for Brain and Cognitive Development, Birkbeck at the University of London.

Other studies have shown that autistic toddlers have difficulty making eye contact, so Dr. Grossman wants to focus on the importance of this skill in future research. Professor Mark Johnson, who also worked on the study, was quick to note, however, that "we are not claiming it could diagnose autism - merely that it may prove a useful early warning signal." Still, it seems to me that the more we know about these sorts of things, the better off we are.

So the moral of all this? Don't think you have an automatic upper hand when playing Texas Hold 'Em with your four-month-old. They can read you like a book.

It was nearly a half-century ago that science uncovered just how harmful drugs could be to a developing fetus. The threat--thalidomide. I don't even know what thalidomide is, save for the phrase from the Billy Joel song We Didn't Start the Fire, but my parents certainly did, as did the rest of the nation who discovered they were poisoning their unborn children by taking the drug. Today, the environment is decidedly different. We live in a world where information of all kinds is at our fingertips (whether true or not is another matter). The Internet and, frankly, women entering the working world have given us control over knowledge, specifically with what can or does happen to our bodies. We as women, and as the world, know more about conception, pregnancy and birth than we ever did before. So do our doctors. They also know what can go wrong, and seem to take every chance possible to ensure something terrible doesn't happen to an unborn child.

The result? Many women feel like they're nothing more than a "walking uterus" or some ovaries. They feel that doctors forget to treat the whole patient because they're so focused on the damage that could be done by, say, taking a certain medication, if the woman happens to be pregnant (whether she knows it or not). They consider the woman "pre-pregnant." Of course doctors are trying to save and preserve lives. They're also trying to avoid malpractice or other kinds of suits. What they might be missing out on, though, is that a woman is in control of her body. She can avoid getting pregnant if she wants to--especially in order to take a certain medication. Yes, there is the slight chance that she doesn't know she is pregnant, but that's a risk the medical profession might have to be willing to take in order to treat women patients fairly.

This past winter I got strep throat REALLY BAD. (Actually, it's ALWAYS really bad.) We had not been using protection and so there was a slight possibility I could be pregnant. I told the doctor, rather than him asking me, that it was a possibility, so he prescribed a different kind of medication for me. The point? Well, I took control of the situation instead of having someone do it for me. I was the one who did the talking, was aware of and responsible for what was going on with my body. And you know what? I was pregnant. And now I feel a whole heck of a lot better that I got different medication. But, it was my choice--the doctor didn't make any presuppositions about me (smart man, good doctor).

Pic by zimpenfish.

Do you read parenting books? For real, as in from cover to cover? Did you get anything at all out of the book? Was it overall a great buy with an excellent philosophy, or was there at least one nugget of sage advice that has helped you shape your parenting style? If the answer to that last question was yes, then perhaps parenting books are good for you. For others, not so much.

I remember when I first started writing for ParentDish--way back in the Blogging Baby days. I was pregnant and trying to figure out if I had what it took to be a parent. I bought oodles of parenting books and tried to plow through them as best as I could. I found lots of conflicting information, some of it outdated. I had lots of conversations with other parents and got more of the same. I even asked them what parenting books they recommended. Some loved certain books, some hated said books. One such book was "What to Expect when You're Expecting." I wrote a post about that and got innumerable comments of both praise and abhorring. So it is with any sort of parenting advice.

Once you become a parent, generally all the things you were so scared of dissipate. You become more confident in your decision making and parenting abilities. Most of the time, you actually become a better wife, daughter, friend, sister, etc. in the process. Did the parenting books help? Maybe, maybe not. Being a parent did. The things we all fear--that we'll be bad parents, that we'll hurt our children, that they'll be taken from us through our own negligence--seem to go away the more we actually practice parenting. And that means whatever parenting style comes most naturally to us or works out best for us. And it is different for every person. I don't think it really matters how much attention you paid to WTEWYE--you're probably doing OK in the mommy or daddy department. Parenting books, if you actually have time to read them (see: before children) might offer some insight, but only you will be able to determine the right approach to raising your kids.

Is there a downside to breastfeeding? A new report from the New York Times might have you thinking so. In a recent article, several studies monitoring a lack of vitamin D in infants might support that breastmilk is not enough to prevent things like rickets in children. The biggest fear is that the deficiency is more common than previously thought and is going undetected. Breastmilk apparently does not necessarily provide enough of the vitamin to children.

Doctors, of course, are rare to say anything at all negative about breastfeeding. Unlike perhaps even fifty years ago, women are being told that they simply must breastfeed, that they are wrong for not doing so, and that breastmilk is the ultimate wonder food for their infants. This may well be true, but the medical profession that's been pushing breastfeeding down our throats has also admitted to knowing there is a probable link between vitamin D deficiency and diseases like diabetes and cancer.

The answer, of course, is not to stop breastfeeding, but rather to augment a child's nutrition by adding vitamin drops, or, my favorite, cod liver oil (yummy!). The other pretty obvious answer is that if a woman is deficient in something, so, too, will be her breastmilk. Mothers should be getting plenty of vitamin D themselves in order to pass on the right amount to their infants. That should be good news to those of us who are committed to breastfeeding exclusively for as long as possible. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and my own pediatrician recommend supplementing with the vitamin D drops.

Thoughts? I for one drink enough milk while pregnant and nursing to keep a small dairy in business. Is it enough? Who knows. Did you supplement breastfeeding with vitamins for your infants or enjoy a little cod liver oil?

Pic by timtom.ch [surfin' USA].

Before I was a mom, there were a lot of things I was never going to do as a parent. I was never going to let my kids watch TV, I was only going to feed them homemade, organic food. I was never going to let them play with plastic toys adorned with licensed characters. And I was certainly going to make sure that most of the toys in our house were gender neutral.

Then I gave birth and became a real parent, and all of that (or at least a lot of it) went out the window. So when my girls, at around 12 to 18 months, embraced the baby dolls and princesses kind of girlhood, I figured it was because I hadn't given them enough trucks and tools to play with when they were babies.

But according a psychologist at CNN, many of the differences we see between boys and girls is actually hardwired at birth. Boys are more likely to enjoy watching mechanical motion, walk sooner, and are more fearless. Girls enjoy looking at human faces, are good listeners, and talk earlier than boys. Do these differences eventually lead to different interests in toys? She says that in one study, when toddlers were shown photos of dolls and vehicles, the girls tended to opt for the dolls, while the boys chose the trucks.

It's a sad fact that not every young man has a positive male role model in his life, making it all too easy for kids to believe lyrics like "Smack my bitch up" is actually an acceptable way to treat a woman.

The Coaching Boys Into Men program is working to overcome harmful views by providing information, literature, and ideas on what adults can do to help counteract negative influences and help boys learn early on that violence is unacceptable.

Some easy ideas for men to use, from the website:

• Listen to how the boy and his friends talk about girls. Ask him if he's ever seen abusive behavior in his friends. Is he worried about any of his friends who are being hurt in their relationships? Are any of his friends hurting anyone else?
• Let him know how you think he should express his anger and frustration and what is unacceptable behavior. Talk with him about what it means to be fair, share and treat others with respect.
• Teach him ways to express his anger without using violence. When he gets mad, tell him he can walk it out, talk it out, or take a time out.
• Watching TV or listen to his music with him. If you see or hear things that depict violence against women, tell him what you think about it. Don't hesitate to let him know you don't approve of sports figures, jokes, video games and song lyrics that demean women. And when it comes time for dating, be sure he knows that treating girls with respect is important.
• Be a role model by modeling behavior that is respectful of others in trying situations.

As a society, we seem to have forgotten that good men aren't just born, they are created. It's nice that Coaching Boys Into Men is providing instructions on how to do that.

Suri Cruise is nearly two and a half years old. Heaven knows you couldn't forget that if you tried. And while she has more fashion sense than pretty much any other tot on the planet, there is one thing that seems to still give us all pause. No, it's not how her celebrity parents could have actually spawned her, nor is it how much is spent keeping her best-dressed and -tressed. Nah--it's that thing where she's still carrying around a baby bottle.

Yes, still. It seems like this first made the news when Suri was more than a year old and still using a bottle. Like sippy cups are so great. Now she's making headlines again for still sporting the baby bottle--when she's not even really a baby. My question is this: what is the big deal? My kid is nearly seventeen months old and he still occasionally uses a bottle. We've tried really hard to break him of the habit, but, for a while, he simply eschewed the sippy cup. He could use one, sure, but he couldn't get the same amount of milk from the sippy as from the bottle. So, we let him roll with it. Eventually, he switched over to predominantly using the sippy.

I know there are standards and practices for how we're supposed to raise our children. I know that guidelines have been set to help us make our way through this crazy maze called parenthood. But with issues as large as world hunger, violence, abuse and immunizations out there for us to tackle, why does anyone give a rat's butt about whether or not Suri Cruise still uses her baby bottle? I feel sorry for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes--they're busy people who are trying to raise a kid and have full-time jobs too. it ain't easy. And not every kid fits the model she's supposed to. Is it really the end of the world if Suri still uses a bottle?

I was pretty much a klutz growing up. In fact, I still am. But I'm not obese (although in the last two months of my pregnancy I do feel rather large!). Is there any real connection between the two? Perhaps so, if we're to believe the findings of another recent study.

According to a new report on Reuters, there is a growing pool of evidence suggesting such a link between children with poor cognitive function and adults with type 2 diabetes or who are obese. A study of British children between the ages of seven and eleven (that started in 1958) yielded the results: those with the worst congitive skills were also the most likely to be obese later in life. Researchers were quick to point out these children were no larger than the rest of the kids at the time, meaning weight was not to blame for their being clumsy.

In fact, factors such as body mass at childhood and social class were both taken into account and adjusted. The findings were still solid. So what causes the link (if indeed there realy is one)? Well, that is the question, isn;t it? Researchers considered smoking during pregnancy a possibility as well as children not getting enough exercise during childhood--which is critical to developing fine motor skills.

pic by vlauria.